I feel compelled at this time to make a public service announcement. Like Shaggy said, it wasn't me. I appreciate body-shaping undergarments as much as the next middle-aged C-lister, but I've got a supplier of my own. I'm reasonably sure mine aren't stolen.
Now, for this week's drink. It's a mean one, if you're allergic to watermelon. When you're feeling fruity, or when you're feeling the humbug (as I often do) this one's for you, you illiterate knuckle-dragger you.
"What is it?" "It's... um... it's green."
4 parts Midori
2 parts lemon juice
1 part simple syrup
a candy cane
Fill a cocktail shaker halfway with ice. Put all that stuff in there and shake what yo' momma gave ya. No, not the hangups and alcoholism, the other thing.
Smash up the candy cane and rim the glass with it, then serve.
Me and the green guy go way back. He was cool, used to buy cheap beers for the young bucks when we were just getting pubescent and rebellious. Him and Bumble were the creepy inappropriate uncles every child star should have, teaching you how to play quarters and slam a beer bong when you're 11.
You may not know this, but dude was classically trained. His Iago changed my life. To this day it's just wrong to me if Othello's not done with a green actor.