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Candy Cane

Bumble, that magnificent hirsute bastard, had me thinking that was exclusively a stripper name from the time I was 8. Little did I know it was also a delicious cocktail. I found out the real story by accident when I was celebrating my 27th, getting hammered by myself over at The Naughty List. Like ya do. Always take care of your bartender kids, by any means necessary.

Almost as delicious as schadenfreude
Almost as delicious as schadenfreude


4 ounces Peppermint Schnapps
4 ounces Creme de Cacao
1 ounce Grenadine
7-Up or Sprite or that dollar store crap your mom buys because you're on welfare
a goddamn candy cane, obviously


Fill a cocktail shaker halfway with ice.

Place Peppermint Schnapps, Creme de Cacao, and Grenadine into the shaker; shake hard for 30 seconds.

Fill your glass about halfway with that business, then bring it to about the 3/4 mark with half-and-half. Top off with soda and garnish with a candy cane. Not *the* Candy Cane. She's retired. You don't want that in your drink. Or maybe you do, I dunno. She's still game. I, uh, hear.

You know what's funny is I could never stand the actual candy, so I just drink around the damn things. One too many instances of that jackass Prancer licking them, sticking them on my quarters and calling me "Cutie Mark." This from a guy named Prancer. Yeah honey, I seen you down at the South Pole too. Don't even try.